Happy Birthday, Mom

I held on tight but you slipped away,
your body worn, you could not stay.
If loving you could keep you here,
your heart would mend,
your lungs would clear.
We would celebrate as you turn eight-four,
and if loving you could keep you here,
we would celebrate many more.

I picture you dancing with Dad every day,
with Dean by your side, you will be okay.
It will never be easy to not have you here
and my heart holds on tight to keep you near.

No words can express how much you are missed.
I love you forever and I carry your heart.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Happy Birthday, Lori

Thank you for listening to me when I need to talk or vent. Playing the devils advocate which irritates the hell out of me until I realize it is your way of being impartial, sensible, logical, and rational; thereby helping me to think things through.

Thank you for encouraging the bond of sisters. In this busy day and age we tend to forget to celebrate our closest allies.

Thank you for your hand-written letters over a period of years some time ago. Sometimes I read them and they bring back memories and a recollection of the days when people actually took the time to do that.

Thank you for your witty, sassy, plucky, soulful, frank, and fabulous personality. You always bring a chuckle to a conversation.

Thank you for being sentimental and vulnerable while managing to be strong, inspiring, outspoken, and capable.

Thank you for your memories of Mom and Dad when you were still at home and I was thousand of miles away. You knew and have shared details I would not otherwise know.

Thank you for your facebook musings that I look forward to. You are quite a talented writer. Please refer back to the witty, sassy, plucky comment above.

Thank you for your generous and beautiful spirit. Your willingness to forgive, to open your heart.

Happy Birthday Sister.

Love you,

Cathy

Hockey and Screamers

I go to my grandson's hockey games because I absolutely love to watch him play. I cheer for the team and it is hard to sit still while I watch because I get so excited. One time I had a front row seat with my camera taping as he made a goal and in my excitement the video is me screaming as the camera pans the ceiling. Ya, eye roll. Lately I find I'm a bit distracted by the screamer sitting nearby - SKATE! COME ON! WTH! GO! PASS! SKATE! OMG! Head in her hands, she can't believe what she is seeing. I mean really. To her, I say get up off your fat ass and see if you can stand on your skates for 30 seconds without falling. Because apparently you have no idea how freaking awesome these kids are. They put themselves out there every game and they go hard. And they don't always win but they are out there skating their butts off and I feel so proud of each and every one of them. To you the loud mouthed screamer? I'm sorry you find it necessary to 'inspire' them to do better with your 'encouraging' screaming. And I hope that after the game you are inspired to tell your child that you love to watch him/her play no matter who wins or looses.

Happy Birthday, Lynne

Happy Birthday, Lynne

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~ Marion C. Garretty

She is kind and thoughtful. She does little things for others with no expectation of anything in return. She is quiet and reserved but knows what she wants and who she is.

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden. ~ Author Unknown

She doesn't have a lot of friends but the ones she has are close. She is strong. She can be strong enough to help others through any storm.

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips. ~ uthor Unknown

She is sophisticated and talented. She is our Martha Stewart. She is loving and ernest in her desire to be helpful. She always means well.

The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger if her sibling is in trouble. ~ Clara Ortega

She is sensitive. When she hurts she withdraws. She doesn't always realize her own power. She is determined and resilient. She always finds her way back, stronger than before.

A sister is a forever friend. ~Author Unknown

She reminds me of our mother who I see each time I look at her and that eases my loss some. She is one third of a sisterhood that grows stronger every year.
Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other. ~ Carol Saline

She is spiritual. She tries to right wrongs. She is forgiving. She is an old soul. She deserves more than she realizes. She is loved more than she knows.

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. ~ Clara Ortega

Happy Birthday, Lynne
I love you.

Gratitude - Day Four

1. My Mom and Dad. Because they did the best they could and when they knew better, they did better.

2. My daughter Heather Atton Cook and my son Wilde Carrot. Both inspire me in different ways to be a better person.

3. My previous husband, father of my children, good friend, Paul Atton. There is no denying the rough patches we've been through but over time the good has outweighed the bad and I am grateful for his friendship.

Gratitude - Day Three

Gratitude
Day Three 

1. Memories. I've been reading some interesting articles about memories and how they can differ among family and friends who were all part of the same experience. The experience may have been rooted in reality but the perception of that reality can differ, sometimes drastically. I've had conversations with siblings where I wonder where the hell I was because their interpretation of the shared situation is so different. I've come to realize that our perception is just that. It is a mixture of accuracy (fact, reality), imagination, emotion, beliefs, and over time, memories merged into memories. Regardless, our memories (shared or otherwise) make up a huge part of who we are and without them (good, bad, disputed, indifferent, selective, sad, glorious) we would be alone and left to wonder who we are. And the best part is that we can choose how our memories affect us.

2. Siblings. Partners in crime. Mortal enemies. Competitor. Good friends. Bane of your existence. Someone you can be mean to but will defend against outsiders. Co-conspirator. We all had our ups and downs with siblings as we grew up but I can't imagine not having brothers and sisters. There has been love, laughter, betrayal, tears, joy, sadness, teasing, shared memories, anger, trust, distrust, kindness, jealousy, envy, friendship, respect, patience, hope, confusion, forgiveness. We share memories; good, bad, disputed, indifferent, selective, sad, glorious. There may be times that we don't talk or see each other for weeks or months at a time but when we come together, it is like coming home.
3. Forgiveness. I have been betrayed and in the depths of despair and I have done wrong and asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice but more importantly, it is the only choice. To truly forgive you have to live and practice it until you get it right. You will know in your heart when that happens.

Happy Birthday Heather (2013)

Thirty-six years ago I was a twenty-one year old child about to embark on a journey about which I knew nothing. I had only the examples set by my parents which were stellar by all accounts but that alone is not enough to prepare one for bringing a life into the world and being a parent. On June 24th, 1977 at 4:51 pm, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who changed my life changed forever. 

The first time I thought of you,
My heart filled with wonder
The first time I felt you,
My heart filled with joy.
The first time I saw you,
My heart was lost to you forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the day you were born,
It seemed as if the trees stood a little taller,
the breeze danced a little warmer,
and the stars shone a little brighter.

I don't know that I was ever the best Mom. But I was Your Mom. And that has been and always will be a privilege that brings me joy.

Happy Birthday to my passionate, funny, gregarious, courageous, extroverted, dynamic, determined, ambitious, brave, resourceful, tough, sensitive, emotional, persistent, hot-headed, larger-than-life, plucky, daughter. 

June 24, 2013