Gratitude - Day Four

1. My Mom and Dad. Because they did the best they could and when they knew better, they did better.

2. My daughter Heather Atton Cook and my son Wilde Carrot. Both inspire me in different ways to be a better person.

3. My previous husband, father of my children, good friend, Paul Atton. There is no denying the rough patches we've been through but over time the good has outweighed the bad and I am grateful for his friendship.

Gratitude - Day Three

Gratitude
Day Three 

1. Memories. I've been reading some interesting articles about memories and how they can differ among family and friends who were all part of the same experience. The experience may have been rooted in reality but the perception of that reality can differ, sometimes drastically. I've had conversations with siblings where I wonder where the hell I was because their interpretation of the shared situation is so different. I've come to realize that our perception is just that. It is a mixture of accuracy (fact, reality), imagination, emotion, beliefs, and over time, memories merged into memories. Regardless, our memories (shared or otherwise) make up a huge part of who we are and without them (good, bad, disputed, indifferent, selective, sad, glorious) we would be alone and left to wonder who we are. And the best part is that we can choose how our memories affect us.

2. Siblings. Partners in crime. Mortal enemies. Competitor. Good friends. Bane of your existence. Someone you can be mean to but will defend against outsiders. Co-conspirator. We all had our ups and downs with siblings as we grew up but I can't imagine not having brothers and sisters. There has been love, laughter, betrayal, tears, joy, sadness, teasing, shared memories, anger, trust, distrust, kindness, jealousy, envy, friendship, respect, patience, hope, confusion, forgiveness. We share memories; good, bad, disputed, indifferent, selective, sad, glorious. There may be times that we don't talk or see each other for weeks or months at a time but when we come together, it is like coming home.
3. Forgiveness. I have been betrayed and in the depths of despair and I have done wrong and asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice but more importantly, it is the only choice. To truly forgive you have to live and practice it until you get it right. You will know in your heart when that happens.

Happy Birthday Heather (2013)

Thirty-six years ago I was a twenty-one year old child about to embark on a journey about which I knew nothing. I had only the examples set by my parents which were stellar by all accounts but that alone is not enough to prepare one for bringing a life into the world and being a parent. On June 24th, 1977 at 4:51 pm, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who changed my life changed forever. 

The first time I thought of you,
My heart filled with wonder
The first time I felt you,
My heart filled with joy.
The first time I saw you,
My heart was lost to you forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the day you were born,
It seemed as if the trees stood a little taller,
the breeze danced a little warmer,
and the stars shone a little brighter.

I don't know that I was ever the best Mom. But I was Your Mom. And that has been and always will be a privilege that brings me joy.

Happy Birthday to my passionate, funny, gregarious, courageous, extroverted, dynamic, determined, ambitious, brave, resourceful, tough, sensitive, emotional, persistent, hot-headed, larger-than-life, plucky, daughter. 

June 24, 2013

Gratitude - Day Two

1. To have been able to hold my Mom's hands as she took her final breaths. I wanted to hold her in my arms and I desperately wanted her to know that we were there, that she was not alone. I was not able to be there when my Dad died but I've been told that just before he slipped away, he rested his head on my Mom's shoulder.

2. My best friend, partner, and husband Mark. Something I wrote a year ago (which may or may not have an x-rated line or two removed):

I love you because...of the way you think of others no matter who it is or how long you have known them. You have empathy.

I love you because...you have heart. I know that at times you have taken your emotions and tucked them into a safe little pocket inside your heart so that you can be okay. But I've seen you wear your heart on your sleeve.

I love you because...you cry. Again, you have heart.

I love you because...you are honest and ethical. For you a handshake is enough. If you say you will do something, you do it. You always try to do the right thing.

I love you because...you have the patience to walk someone through the simplest tasks that don't make sense to them. All without making them feel silly for not getting it.

I love you because...you were a son to my Mom.

I love you because...you have little anal habits that used to make me laugh and now I've developed them.

I love you because...you have a forgiving and loving heart with your Mom and Dad.

I love you because...you can laugh at yourself.

I love you because...you are selfless. If you can do a good turn for someone you don't hesitate and you do it with no expectation of something in return.

I love you because...to Michael and Emily, you are 'my Mark' (as Michael said one day - instead of my Dad, or my Gramma).

I love you because...if it was possible you would still have the same doctor and dentist that you had as a child. You stay with what you know and you don't waiver easily.

I love you because...you have a sense of humour. You make Michael and Emily laugh. That sense of humour was what first attracted me to you.

I love you because...you cried when Michael was a baby and you were falling in love with him.

I love you because...you are romantic. I have cards with your love poems. I have dried flowers from the arrangements you have brought home. You have tended me when I am sick.

I love you because...you are thoughtful. You think about things, you are not impulsive.

I love you because...you are patient. You had to be with me.

I love you because...you are a good listener and a good friend.

I love you because...you are worldly and knowledgeable about so many different things. You are a smart man.

I love you because...you treat everyone with respect and courtesy. You are not sexist. You allow people 'to be'.

I love you because...you are spiritual. You believe in what is meant to be. You carry in you, some of the spiritual knowledge that your Mom has.

I love you because...you are graceful under pressure, respectful of others. You treat people well.

I love you because...you are strong, competent, and independent. You will always pull your own weight. And more.

I love you because...you are not just part of my family. You are my family.

I love you because...you are careful. With your heart. And mine.

3. My grandchildren. I am not the funniest, the smartest, the most popular, or the most athletic. I am not the best at everything I do, or the most knowledgeable. Certainly not the wittiest with comebacks. I am not the best looking, the fastest, or the most powerful. I am not gregarious, outgoing, or have the most friends. I am imperfect and sensitive. I can be a control freak, cry easily, and sometimes feel depressed and sorry for myself. In the grand scheme of life, I am but one small particle but when I hear, 'I love you Gramma' I am reminded that I am the luckiest person ever and that in that moment I make a difference and have a responsibility to be the best I can be.

Gratitude - Day One

1. Air conditioning. In my house, in my car, in my room and office at camp. If I could I would have a personal portable mini air conditioner bubble to transport me in between air conditioned spaces.

2. Facebook (and the internet). Allows me to stay tuned to what is going on in other people's lives, not to mention living vicariously through them. Seriously, I have no idea how I raised kids without the support of dozens of friends and family and information sharing.

3. Cell phones. If I hadn't lived through it (I did not have a cell phone until I was 40 and my kids were adults) I would tell you that you CAN"T SURVIVE WITHOUT ONE).