I love you because...

July 29, 2012

Dear Mark,

If I could do it all over again, I would do it with you. One day, I would like to renew our vows. I want to be (and remain) your wife.

You can't respond to that now, I know that. Nor am I asking for a response to this letter. I am asking you for nothing more than to simply be receptive, willing, and open to the possibility that we are meant to be together. That with all that we've been through and dealt with, we have never lost the love or the respect for each other and that the good by far outweighed the not so good.

We have weathered a lot of storms that need no mentioning, and I could not see the forest for the trees. I lost sight of you. I see you now. I see what my Mom saw. You are a keeper. I see what your Mom saw. Love. 3+4+8=15. 1+5=6 (not saying I know the meaning, but I do remember her telling you when we bought the house).

I have grieved the loss of my Mom and as I come out of the fog, one of the over-riding thoughts I've had is that the only way to be happy, is to be. I have a heavy heart (and tears come easily) not knowing what the future holds for you and me. But for the first time in a long while, I have a sense that everything is going to be okay. I want to love more, laugh often. I want to see the good in others, love myself, and be someone that my grandchildren will look up to. I want to walk the walk. I want to live in a way that invites others to feel good about themselves. And I hope that in bettering myself, I will gain many of the attributes I see in you. I am not thinking in black and white or some weird abstract. I am looking at me and what I need/want to do to be a good person and friend. I am looking at you with acceptance of who you are, who you really are. So please, know that I share this with you in the spirit of love, honesty, openness, and communication.

I love you because...of the way you think of others no matter who it is or how long you have known them. You have empathy.

I love you because...you have heart. I know that you have taken your emotions and tucked them into a safe little pocket inside your heart so that you can be okay. But I've seen you wear your heart on your sleeve.

I love you because...you cry. Again, you have heart.

I love you because...you are honest and ethical. For you a handshake is enough. If you say you will do something, you do it. You always try to do the right thing.

I love you because...you have the patience to walk someone through the simplest tasks that don't make sense to them. All without making them feel silly for not getting it.

I love you because...you were a son to my Mom.

I love you because...you have little anal habits that used to make me laugh and now I've developed them.

I love you because...you have a forgiving and loving heart with your Mom and Dad.

I love you because...you can laugh at yourself.

I love you because...you are selfless. If you can do a good turn for a friend you don't hesitate and you do it with no expectation of something in return.

I love you because...you have a beautiful, calming voice and demeanor. I used to hear your voice over the radio at Culligan and I still remember how it soothed me.

I love you because...to Michael and Emily, you are 'my Mark' (as Michael said one day - instead of my Dad, or my Gramma).

I love you because...of the look I've seen in your eyes when we've made love.

I love you because...if it was possible you would still have the same doctor and dentist that you had as a child. You stay with what you know and you don't waiver from that knowledge easily.

I love you because...you have a sense of humour. You tell a mean joke. You make Michael and Emily laugh. That sense of humour was what first attracted me to you.

I love you because...you cried when Michael was a baby and you were falling in love with him.

I love you because...you are romantic. I have cards with your love poems. I have dried flowers from the arrangements you have brought home. You have tended me when I am sick.

I love you because...you have a passion for something and are working towards a way to enjoy it more.

I love you because...you are thoughtful. You think about things, you are not impulsive.

I love you because...you are patient. You had to be to deal with my feelings of guilt with my grown children.

I love you because...you are a good listener and a good friend.

I love you because...you are worldly and knowledgeable about so many different things. You are a smart man.

I love you because...you treat everyone with respect and courtesy. You are not sexist. You allow people 'to be'.

I love you because...you are spiritual. You believe in what is meant to be. You carry in you, some of the spiritual knowledge that your Mom has.

I love you because...you are graceful under pressure, respectful of others. You treat people well.

I love you because...you are strong, competent, and independent.  You will always pull your own weight. And more.

I love you because...you are not part of my family. You are my family.

I love you because...you are careful. With your heart. And mine.

With love from your friend, your wife,  Cathy